the first in what i hope to become a long list. things not to be left to mere chance.

i. the toasting of something in a strange toaster. why is there no industry standard? if you turn it too high, obviously, charcoal. too low, and it is one of those toasters that when not left to cool thoroughly between toastings, no matter the setting, again, crumby frisbee. or you're stuck there for half an hour as your toast bobs up and down like a bad halloween game. [and who puts their face in water for the mere chance of a 'red delicious' apple anyway? it's like eating a ball of wet, yet crunchy leaves.]

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elsewhere, a packet of thai rice noodle soup i just had required me to boil one cup [singular] of water. now i could have done it in the microwave, but any idiot who puts noodles in the microwave, when not having done it many times over and thereby acquiring skill in timing, is asking for a dried out mass of rubber bands. so i went to the stovetop, as i've no problem with boiling water over actual heating elements. except when the amount of water required is so minute as to only give me a centimeter of depth in my smallest pan. it was an ordeal. [that's a lie.]

how many meals a day are there in olde greate britaine? so i imagine there to be breakfast. and then there is tea, which seems to be a meal. then a nightly meal which may be dinner or supper, i imagine the latter. so is there a lunch, a dinner? i'd guess no brunch because of tea, but i've no real clue.

and lastly. [i'm sure i've said it before..] i may just be a poor, na�ve sod, but if you have to imagine someone else when you are kissing your significant other [or making out or whatever else you do, i'd rather not know/guess_at specifics], you'd probably better back off the 8-claritin-at-a-time, acid-dropping, porn-subscribing, paint-sniffing lifestyle that has brought you to the sad place you're in. [that, or realize you're using this person for insert and you're a sad shell of a person.]

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