i will say this, even with this past weekend being fairly full [more full than any recent ones], it still left me very empty feeling, not to mention understanding why [or at least one reason they might] people start doing heavy drugs or kill themself. now i feel i must interject the only thing i've been mainlining is orange gatorade and chinese food, and killing myself was never an option i was considering opposite going to the cinema or getting said mainlined items. i only mean the thoughts passed through my head of how they could become options. it isn't as if i've never heard such reasons before, nor is it that i've ever been in a similar state of mind where they might possibly arise as options were my life a bit different. what i mean is that the connection was suddenly made. escapism. to get out of that ditch, that hole, that cavern for a day, a few hours, i definitely see the allure. the shine, the glint, the idea that the corners can be dulled, the edges can dissolve, the colors and sounds can blend and blur and melt, that you can forget [and that you can forget that you are only forgetting] for just a bit, the idea is mind-blowing and tugs at your [or mine, at least] shirt. one of the great things of being is the ability to carry burdens, but having the ability to not feel them for a while would be nice..

i don't think myself all that great for having clean veins or lungs, i just think i'm wired slightly different, and i wonder why and how.. but i see now what you mean.

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