i think corn syrup must be the fourth most lucrative business in the states. [behind of course, some order of the following: alcohol, tobacco, porn.] it is everywhere and seemingly in everything. i got off caffeine and carbonation, and though soda has a much larger portion of corn syrup than the gatorade i've been mainlining [almost 2:1], it's still there. and i've given thought to giving it up as well, but it's unavoidable, it is its own food group. and after that what, refined sugar, meat, genetically altered crops, any human intervention whatsoever.. if i could live on grass and leaves, i would have done it long ago.

i don't think we should have special nationally televised ceremonies and news information on every single american person who dies while killing people in afghanistan. i don't want to know, and it's rather hard to avoid. more to the point, it is appalling to feel as though we have some supreme right to grieve "each lost soul" while turning innocent people to dust just to win elections and showing it all for ratings sake. the fact that so few people seem to get it make me realize that either lots of people are that obtuse, or my sleep deprivation is worse than i thought.

i've just seen an advert for some insane calculator [that is probably available for just four easy payments of 24.95, but if you order in the next five minutes, they'll take an entire payment off, making it only seventy-five percent insanely priced..] anyway, it's to calculate your dietary intake giving you your calories, fat grams, etc. i have to imagine this is marketed towards people who like keeping track of stuff like that for weight loss purposes, and except for the exorbitant price, that seems a reasonable purchase, if one was so inclined i mean. except one of the big selling points is that it already has all these preset things so that you can just push a button for the big mac, or santa fe gordita and your stats are updated. perhaps not the best use of the presets. what a load.

i remember having a conversation with someone [who for reasons unknown to me hasn't spoken to me in something like three years or so. maybe two.] in high school about caring about what other people think. i told him i didn't, and he wouldn't believe me. [to be fair, i probably cared more than i thought i did, even if it wasn't all that much.] but his reasoning was what baffled me. he told me that if i didn't care, i wouldn't shower or wear clean clothes or brush my teeth or anything. i told him such thinking was nothing short of idiotic, as i did those things for myself as i don't want to become toothless and diseased, nor do i want to smell my own dirty clothes. [he is a fool. that is the point of the story, well, in part.] what i mean to get to is that it seems that many people equate rebellion, from whatever social behavior it may be, with freedom. to me that seems just as stupid as going along would be in many cases. neither is freedom entirely. but this assumption that just because something seems clich or is following the rules or something the teacher's pet would have done in primary school, doesn't mean it isn't the right thing to do. [not that it's right even half the time..]

often i find i have a hard time keeping my opinions on different subjects clear in my head. if i glance at them and if i don't pay attention, some idea seems to cancel out others because of generalizations. most of the time they are carefully woven together into an ugly basket or tapestry of an idea that bleeds into the next and goes on long enough to forget where i've started. i just can't rationalize simplifying what makes sense, albeit only upon inspection. simplicity is a virtue in very few cases i find.

i was wondering today how one would go about humbling themself, as the attempt of the act seems humble, but is arrogant at the same time. just wondering.

i hate to just repeat the same thing others have said, but since i've finally seen memento, i have to recommend it. a lot. i think she said it best with: this was one of those movies that restores one's faith in the future of filmmaking.

i believe there must be genius all around us most times. unseen, unfound, unused, unexpressed, perhaps, but not nonexistent. and i'm absolutely fascinated by the possibility of finding some or being in the presence of some or something. the idea of being able to be near such accelerated progress is very fascinating, especially when i often find myself slowly trudging through tangential circles of thought and action, i cannot not wonder at what brilliance and original thought must be like. so, i'm on the lookout..

-

"a full meal,
six coffee refills later.
we both have to be at work in an hour
let's call in sick,
i suggest to her.." -h.



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07.01.02
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